(154) How do I stop wanting to lose weight?

Along your Food Peace™ journey you may have connected with how you were raised around food and how to treat your body. Did you learn early on that only thin bodies were acceptable? That we MUST diet in order to keep our weight low and letting go was a failure? Not surprising then that the desire to lose weight will continue. How do you stop wanting to lose weight? How do you accept your body? Listen now to the latest Love Food podcast episode for insight along this part of your journey.

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coach with over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice.

He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com.

This episode’s Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,
I’ve been struggling with you for almost my entire life.  When I was little I remember watching my Dad go on diet after diet and rigidly refusing to go up a pant size.  It looked so miserable but I also wanted to be like him.  I also knew (from what my parents had told me) that I was getting fat.  So when I was 8, I went on my first diet and began counting calories.  Later, around age 15, I began to reject dieting and wanted to relax and eat what I wanted.  This made my parents uncomfortable and eventually they began to mandate that I diet and exercise.  I began to sneak you up to my bedroom and eat you in the middle of the night.  I was riddled with shame, guilt, and self-hatred.  Even when I was outside of my parent’s control, I carried their voices of judgment with me and continued dieting throughout most of my adult life.
Now I’m 31 and I’ve tried so hard to redefine my relationship with you and my body.  I’ve seen a counselor and nutritionist who come from an intuitive eating approach.  I was fortunate enough to be part of a 10-week intuitive eating group and I loved it!  But a job change caused me to move away from those resources and now I feel stuck.  I’m heavier than I’ve ever been in my entire life and I’m so ashamed of my body.  I don’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror.  While the dream of being smaller is still tempting, the thought of dieting repulses me.  I know dieting isn’t the answer, but I can’t seem to get the hang of intuitive eating.  I feel like I’m making zero progress on my journey to food peace.
Often I still feel like that rebellious teenager who would overeat (whether it made her feel good or not) just to spite her parents.  I still want to lose weight but I know that intuitive eating isn’t suppose to be about that.  How do I stop the incessant desire to be smaller when it’s been a part of my life for so long?
I’m also feeling scared because sometimes listening to my body and choosing to stop eating when I’m full/satisfied or not eat something because my inner wisdom is telling me that I don’t truly want it reminds me of the rules and restrictions I lived under for so long.  Intellectually I know that responding to my body and inner wisdom is different than dieting.  But emotionally they sometimes feel the same.  Eventually I end up still engaging in rebellious eating even though I’m not sure what/who I’m rebelling against.  Then I feel like I’ve fallen off track and give up and shame takes over.  I know this is a diet mentality but I can’t seem to shake it!  I’m not sure how to interrupt this cycle and stop thinking of intuitive eating through this dieting lens.  I want to move forward in my food and body peace journey but I’m not sure how to get past this hurtle.  I just want to find peace with you and my body but I’m not sure what the next step should be.
Love,
Stuck In The Cycle

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

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