(135) Bingeing was my biggest fear, now its my constant reality (with Nicole Cruz)

Has your relationship with food been through the ringer? Listen as this letter writer describes her initial restricted relationship with food yet now bingeing is a daily part of her life. Have you experienced this too? While there is shame in this for many it is a predictable and vital part of nutritional rehabilitation on your Food Peace journey. It doesn’t mean you are weak it means you are a successful human staying alive. Listen now for more and learn from guest Nicole Cruz.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

This episode’s Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,

The high school version of me would have been the last person on this Earth to ever believe that my relationship with you would end up causing me so much heartache and pain.

I was fine until college. Backtracking to childhood, I always loved you. I was a foodie, never overthought and wasn’t obsessed with the idea of what I would eat next. Food was wonderful, especially “treats” or “junk-food” type items that I didn’t get to eat often. I know there were times when my eyes were bigger than my stomach, but maybe this is a thing that many young kids also experience?

High school was normal. I was active playing a sport that I loved, busy with school, and spending time with family and friends. Senior year, I found myself with more freedom than ever. A lot of it was spent watching tv or cooking and eating with friends.

Then came college. After a particularly sad and confusing breakup with a boy and betrayal by a friend, my college friend group disintegrated. In retrospect, I think I may have retreated into TV and snacks, and there was no one to tell me to do differently. Then, during Thanksgiving break, I realized that I had been too free with you, food, and my “cute little body” was quickly becoming something I was ashamed of and disgusted by.

I’d never had anything but a small body and lived in a family of small people. I decided I would pay more attention to what and how much I was eating. I figured this would help get myself under control. And from the moment I became aware of your presence and your power in my life, things really have never been the same since.

Fast forward through five months of increasingly difficult and dreadful exercise regimens and an increasingly restricted intake of food, I left school early to move home and enter outpatient treatment.

My junior year, I finally transferred into XYZ College. I was ecstatic, but the restriction started almost right away. This time, though, my body was far more resistant to restriction, and it was increasingly difficult to not give in and binge. I returned home after only 3 months, and didn’t return to school until the next summer.

Now, my 4th year of college is almost over. That means I’ve been binging for a year now. It’s hard to believe that I ever was able to restrict at all, because binging is such an everyday part of my life now. Over these past years, I have had consistent therapy, and have also met with dietitians, but it seems like nothing is able to help me. In fact, the binging seems like it’s getting worse and worse – in the past two months alone, I have gained X pounds.

I think I’ve lost hope in ever being normal with food or body image. I feel so abnormal and wrong. In recovery, binging was always my biggest fear, and now it’s my constant reality. I have all the tools and resources I should need to help myself and change, but I’m still doing this.

How did we get this far?!

Love,

Secretly Broken

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

I want to hide my bad habits from my kids {with Lindsay Stenovec}

Do you deal with binge eating? Did you experience bullying, specifically within your own family, that relates to your body shape or size? Have you experienced sexual abuse, and feel that it has impacted your relationship with food and your body? Are you trying to set a healthy example for your own children after having a difficult relationship with food in your past? Listen now for some expert advice on how to cope with these body trust struggles.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

 

Check out this summer’s special blog post series: Empowering Your PCOS Journey. It aims to help you understand PCOS, improve your relationship with food, and advocate for better care. You will be hearing from nutrition grad student Kimberly Singh and her experiences with PCOS as well as evidenced based info to help arm yourself with the most up-to-date research. Find it here now: JulieDillonRD.com/PCOSseries

Episode’s Key Points:

  • Sometimes our family environments can be just as toxic as this culture that we live in… remember, we ALL live in diet culture!! But that doesn’t make our family’s actions okay.
  • Abuse, physical or mental, can have a profound impact on our relationship with food and our body.
  • Lindsay Stenovec of The Nurtured Mama joins to talk about the complex interactions of motherhood and our relationship with food!
  • Processing this kind of trauma is essential… find a therapist to work through these difficult emotions and to help you cope with your past!
  • Sometimes we use food to cope with our emotions… this is totally understandable, but we can take steps to help heal this part of our relationship with food if we find it interfering with us living our lives.
  • We are all doing the very best that we can under our own circumstances! This doesn’t make us a failure or a fraud.
  • How do we feed others when we’ve had such a fraught relationship with food and body ourselves?
  • As parents, we do our best to shield our children from pain, especially from pain that we have experienced ourselves. Many mamas are trying to shield their children from the pain that they themselves experienced in relation to food and body… but sometimes this backfires when parents do so by trying to get their children to lose weight or to eat in a “perfect” way.
  • Feeling acceptable is SO important to finding body peace and body trust! Instead of repeating the same cycle of trying to control your own child’s food intake or body shape, focus on the unconditional acceptance you have for your child and help them to foster this body acceptance in themselves, no matter the outside influences.
  • We should ALWAYS feel safe at home, even if we live in diet-culture world!
  • We’re all just doing the best that we can!!
  • What does it mean to eat in a “healthy” way? How do we make peace with food and our bodies?
  • Ellyn Satter’s definition of normal eating is a helpful resource!!
  • Healthy eating is more about being connected to life, not about what we put in our bodies.
  • Our relationship with food and our bodies is about very complicated, difficult, and personal truths. It has to do with the food, but it also doesn’t! Our past has a HUGE impact on all of this, and it’s SO important to find support around figuring all of this stuff out. Find a trauma, Health at Every Size, and eating-disorder-trained therapist or dietitian to help you along this journey!!
  • Raising children brings up the difficult parts in ourselves that still need more work.
  • Going to therapy is a BRAVE choice! It is hard, but it gives us the tools to move forward in our lives and find healing.
  • Stress, discomfort, and feeling like a fraud are messages from our body! These emotions mean there is something that needs to be addressed within.
  • Secretive eating, shame, and hiding of food is an understandable reaction to growing up in an environment that body and food shamed you! The important question is not, “How do I stop,” but, “What do these actions tell me about my needs?”
  • Sometimes we don’t learn sustainable coping skills as a child… therapy can help us bolster our toolbox of coping mechanisms as adults!
  • Normal eating is FLEXIBLE!!! Normal eating is trusting our body to make up for our “mistakes” in our eating, and being compassionate about our choices.
  • In the end, it is JUST food.
  • When you trust your body to take care of yourself, it’ll do the best that it can.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series.

I’m a food addict. {guest Marci Evans}

070 Image

Would you consider yourself a food addict? Do you find yourself trying to abstain from certain foods so you don’t “lose control?” Are you unsure if food addiction is the right way to describe what you’re experiencing? Listen now for some expertise on the latest research and find out more about the truth behind the food addiction model.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by Pursuing Private Practice Masterclass.

Ready to start doing things your way and kiss the corporate world goodbye?

Details here and remember the super secret discount code BOSS for 10% off.

Episode’s Key Points:

  • Holidays like Easter and Passover can bring foods out of the woodwork that we don’t usually eat! (Think: chocolate bunnies, Peeps, jelly beans.) When these foods resurface, because we haven’t learned to make them “neutral” yet, it can feel like we’re addicted to them when they’re finally around.
  • Our bodies don’t need to rely on dieting to find health. In fact, dieting HURTS us, and it can lead to bingeing and an OCD experience with food.
  • Eating is just like peeing!!! When you gotta go, you gotta go, and how much or how little you pee doesn’t matter. But with hunger, there is so much JUDGMENT attached to it. So what if we took that judgment away? What if we treated eating just like peeing? They’re both bodily functions that do just fine on their own without outward policing. So stop judging when you’re hungry, or how much or how little you need to eat to feel satisfied! Eating is like peeing.
  • Marci Evans joins to talk about her expert knowledge on food addiction research!
  • Food doesn’t need to have so much power!!
  • You are NOT alone… your pain is individual, but your experiences with food are so common.
  • What are the first steps to making peace with food when dealing with these problems??
    • Compassion!
    • Challenging food addiction in and of itself
  • The food addiction model is problematic and has many limitations!
    • The term “food addiction” is very poorly defined in the research community.
    • Most 0f the research has been done on animals, not humans, and the research that has been done on humans has had a LOT of mixed results.
    • It fails to consider alternatives to the biological response to food that mimics drug use, such as pavlovian conditioning, the fact that food is meant to be rewarding, or the impact of restraint, restriction, or previous dieting on our pleasure reactions.
  • Food is meant to be rewarding!!
  • The pattern of restriction and restraint that then swings to bingeing can lead someone to think they’re addicted to food… but that might not be the case! Bingeing is often a reaction to deprivation!!
  • Current food addiction research does NOT account for restraint, restriction, or dieting history.
  • Our natural biology REBELS against restraint!!
  • So how do we move beyond the food addiction model?
    • Remember you are not alone!
    • Consider what “healthy” means to you, and make sure it’s BALANCED and SATISFYING.
    • Use resources to support your journey.
    • Notice what’s happening in your body instead of what’s happening in your brain.
  • Once we take the judgment away, we can really listen to what our body actually needs.
  • Our body craves balance!!
  • Remember, healthy eating includes satiety and pleasure! If you deny these parts of eating, you won’t find a peaceful relationship with food.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series.

The Love Food Podcast Episode 60 with Adrien Paczosa

060 Image

Are you worried you’re doing intuitive eating wrong? Does listening to your intuition around food choices make you concerned for your health? Do you just feel a little bit lost and confused with this whole intuitive eating thing? Listen now for some solutions for these struggles.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

From our sponsor: Green Mountain at Fox Run Specialized Track for College-Aged Women

Dieting trends. Endless images of ‘perfect bodies’. Find a permanent solution to struggles with food, weight and body at Green Mountain at Fox Run. Green Mountain is hosting weekly programs between May 14 and August 26 tailored to the needs of women between ages 18 and 25. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you deserve to live it happily and in good health. Visit https://goo.gl/2r8B2W for more information.

Episode’s Key Points:

  • Perfectionistic tendencies can make embracing a more flexible way of eating, such as intuitive eating, a difficult adjustment.
  • Part of the intuitive eating process is craving foods that have previously been off-limits… these foods tend to be fun foods, such as french fries or cookies!
  • Eventually food will feel calm, fun, and not as exciting. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!!
  • Adrien Paczosa of iLiveWell Nutrition Therapy joins to talk about perfectionism and intuitive eating.
  • Mom’s don’t get enough credit!!
  • There’s no good/bad or right/wrong way to do intuitive eating or recovery.
  • Social media can trap us into the idea of needing to be perfect.
  • It takes time to understand intuitive eating, and to really understand the process including our own hunger and fullness cues. There is always so much extra noise getting in the way from diet culture… so the first step really is to shut all that stuff out!
  • We need to gives ourselves PERMISSION not to be perfect, and understand that sometimes intuitive eating can feel really great, or not so great. That’s just a part of the experience!
  • Cravings come in all shapes and sizes, fun foods and “healthy” foods. We can’t judge either kind of craving, and we must grant ourselves permission for both.
  • Sometimes permission can make you feel out of control, especially when we’re first starting out. This is when an eating disorder or intuitive eating dietitian can come in handy, as they can help guide you through all the twists and turns.
  • Everything is an EXPERIMENT!!
  • Adrien and I talk about the importance of learning about private practice as dietitians exploring a non-diet approach.
  • YOU’RE NOT DOING IT WRONG!

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series. Give me feedback via Twitter @EatingPermitRD.

gmfr-logo

This episode is sponsored by my friends at Green Mountain at Fox Run.

 

Binge & Emotional Eating Weekend Intensive

The Women’s Center for Binge & Emotional Eating is offering its foundational one-week Pathway™ program in an intensive weekend format. Participants will explore personal barriers and how to counter them with evidence-based strategies to prevent eating in response to stress and emotions. Dates are scheduled monthly throughout 2017 although capacity is limited, so visit https://goo.gl/xFh2up  for more information.

There’s only ONE premier retreat for women who struggle with eating and weight.

It’s time to shine the light on yourself and make YOURSELF the priority. Here at Green Mountain at Fox Run, we’re all about embracing and supporting yourself through self-care. Through powerful tools such as mindfulness techniques, stress management skills, and movement that is customized to your body and fitness level, you’ll learn to practice self-care in your daily life. Visit https://goo.gl/si9wZi for more information.

Green Mountain at Fox Run’s Binge Eating White Paper – Myths, Truths and Treatments

Download Green Mountain’s free whitepaper to understand Binge Eating Disorder, the most common eating disorder. Explore the symptoms of and treatment for BED, assess where weight loss fits in, and gain clarity on common myths. Visit https://goo.gl/UGpF78 for more information.

The Love Food Podcast Episode 58 with Andrew Walen

058 Image

Are you struggling with your relationship with food and your body, but are finding it difficult to find the right resources to help you heal? Do you identify as a man and feel lost or like an outsider in the food and body peace world? Have you made peace with food, but are still struggling to make peace with your body? Listen now for some advice on how to begin tackling these issues.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

Key Points:

  • You are not alone, but we can appreciate that you still FEEL alone!
  • SHAME is a big part of eating disorders, and there is an extra layer of shame for men.
  • Andrew Walen joins for more insight into the male experience with eating disorders, body image struggles, and food peace concerns.
  • Resources for men who struggle with body image is severely lacking!
  • The male ideal: 50% of men wish they were bigger and 50% of men wish they were smaller… there is also a lot of focus on musculature, especially in the chest region (very different than the female ideal!). The physical ideal is also influenced by our ideas of “manliness.” Men must be tough, strong, and nothing like women (stereotypically feminine traits such as soft or weak).
  • Eating disorders within the male population are stigmatized because they imply that the person suffering from the eating disorder is weak… which is feminine and therefore “bad.”
  • Right now, the biggest thing is NORMALIZING the male eating disorder.
  • According to some research, about 85% of people who struggle with body image issues and eating disorders are heterosexual males.
  • We live in a society that drives us to self-hate because we are told we don’t measure up, and people of all ages and of all genders are constantly comparing themselves to those around them.
  • We all struggle with wanting to be appreciated and accepted by those around us!
  • It’s important that men dealing with body image issues have the inner courage to speak out and begin to share their stories of struggle and success so that the experience is normalized and more research money can come in to help people suffering!!
  • Residential treatment facilities for men suffering from eating disorders is sorely lacking… only one current center in the country offers in-patient residential treatment for males!
  • How do eating disorders look different in men? How do men talk about their bodies?
    • Focus on muscularity, strength, and dominance
    • Co-morbidity of substance abuse, specifically alcohol
    • Language around the body is less specific and less emotionally intense than a woman’s language around the body
  • Coping skills are super important! This can include learning how to sit with discomfort and learning how to communicate emotions.
  • Men are less likely to seek out treatment, more likely to wait longer before undergoing treatment, and more likely to rush through treatment and, as a result, relapse. This inevitably makes the fatality rates for males with eating disorders, specifically anorexia, higher than that of women with eating disorders.
  • Resources can help normalize the experience of men with eating disorders and body image concerns!!

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series. Give me feedback via Twitter @EatingPermitRD.

gmfr-logo

This episode is sponsored by my friends at Green Mountain at Fox Run.

A Taste of Green Mountain – Weekend Program Green Mountain at Fox Run is excited to announce a one-time opportunity to newcomers – an all-new A Taste of Green Mountain weekend program! Key strategies for mindful eating, mindful movement, self-care, and stress management will be introduced to help participants to eat, move, feel, and LIVE in the moment…to #BeHerNow! This opportunity is only open to new guests of Green Mountain. https://goo.gl/tCVQWl

Binge & Emotional Eating Weekend IntensiveThe Women’s Center for Binge & Emotional Eating is offering its foundational one-week Pathway™ program in an intensive weekend format. Participants will explore personal barriers and how to counter them with evidence-based strategies to prevent eating in response to stress and emotions. Dates are scheduled monthly throughout 2017 although capacity is limited, so visit https://goo.gl/xFh2up  for more information.

TAKE TIME TO INVEST IN YOU.It’s time to shine the light on yourself and make YOURSELF the priority. Here at Green Mountain at Fox Run, we’re all about embracing and supporting yourself through self-care. Through powerful tools such as mindfulness techniques, stress management skills, and movement that is customized to your body and fitness level, you’ll learn to practice self-care in your daily life. Visit https://goo.gl/si9wZi for more information.

Green Mountain at Fox Run’s Foundational Guide to Reaching & Maintaining Your Healthy Weight

Download Green Mountain’s free healthy weight foundational guide to learn how to embrace healthy (and pleasurable) eating strategies, cultivate a fitness practice you enjoy, and use mindfulness to overcome stress & emotional eating https://goo.gl/WwUDOr