(139) I fear everyone judging what I eat (with Jenna Hollenstein)

Picture this: you are in a restaurant and really craving a burger. Or a salad. You freeze. Will people judge what you choose? Do you judge what other’s choose? And how does this get in the way of your Food Peace journey? Listen to this latest episode of Love Food with special guest Jenna Hollenstein RD author of Eat to Love.

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

This episode’s Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,

I have recently been on an uphill battle to try and fix our relationship. After countless years of living a secret life with an unacknowledged eating disorder- consisting largely of restricting and bingeing- I made the change to recognize and treat my disordered eating patterns. I have since been diagnosed with an eating disorder and am currently adventuring through the recovery process with a support system of professionals and loved ones.

Although I can feel and appreciate the changes that I’ve made and the growth that I’ve experienced, there is one recurring thought I cannot let go of. I feel that it is keeping me trapped in my eating disorder world. Currently, I am gradually increasing my food intake and attempting to diversify the types of food that I consume. However, I’m finding this to be a painfully difficult experience because I cannot stop thinking that everyone is constantly judging me for what I eat. Essentially, whenever I eat something, I believe that other people are thinking to themselves, “wow, look at her eating that…she is eating that because she is fat”. This thought is strongest if I were to ever eat food that is constructed as “unhealthy”, but is also present if I were to eat food that is constructed as “healthy” but consume a lot of it. For example, when I eat a restaurant, I fear finishing my plate because I assume that the wait staff will judge me for eating all of the food and will judge my body.

That being said, I understand that this is an illogical believe to have. I have countless pieces of objective evidence (e.g., from doctors, the number on the scale, the size of clothing I wear) that indicate that I am not fat, I am not overweight. Yet, this evidence doesn’t override my internal belief that my body is too big and that others are in agreeance with me. Throughout my recovery process, I have come to understand that I hold a strong core belief that my worth comes from my body and that I should always strive for a smaller body. I know this belief is problematic, but I can’t stop agreeing and believing it.

To add one other layer to this puzzle, this thought- where others judge my body and believe that I shouldn’t be eating because my body hasn’t achieved the thin ideal it has been striving for- is particularly difficult for me to let go of because I hold this judgment on others. I find myself judging others for what they eat and I tend to, in my mind, idealize those with small bodies and not hold them to this same judgment. This has been a difficult piece for me to accept because it makes me feel so sad and ashamed to think that I am doing to others what I fear others are doing to me. This fear has fueled so many problematic behaviors and I know it is so unfair for me to hold this judgment on others.

I am wondering how I can overcome this. How do I remove this judgment that I place on myself and on others? How do I let go of this tiring, inaccurate mind-reading game I am constantly playing? Will I ever accept my body and accept the fact that it deserves to eat food- and a variety of foods?

Sincerely,

A life of judging and judgment

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

(138) I keep eating out of anger and spite. Will I ever eat intuitively?

Have you decided to ditch diets and rely on hunger yet stuck? Maybe you are like many other people and find yourself so angry, always rebeling, and eating in spite of the false truths you’ve been told: diets will fix you and your body is not acceptable. Oooooh the lies you’ve been told! Pull up a chair and let’s discuss what to do next on this latest Love Food Podcast episode. This episode covers the 6 keys to Food Peace.

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

This episode’s Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,

I’ve been through ED treatment, which allowed me to have MUCH less stress in my life about food and dieting.

But now, I have so much freedom, but I’m not one bit interested in eating intuitively.

I’m almost eating in spite of everything I used to believe: I’m bad, I’m too fat, I’m unhealthy, I’m rebellious, I’m holding myself back from so many opportunities by being so large, etc.

Eating intuitively is hard when you’re SO angry.

Is this “eating whatever I want when I want” ever going to become normal? I just wish i didn’t have to think about this.

Sincerely,

Training yet Confused

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

(125) I feel guilty when I eat (with Amanda Martinez Beck)

Do you ever feel guilt for eating certain foods? Do you fear judgement about what other people will think about your body or food choices? Do you ever catch yourself labeling food “good” or bad?” Are you finding it difficult to feel at home in your aging body? Listen along to this week’s episode as Amanda Martinez Beck helps provide meaningful reflection.

Episode’s Key Points:

  • Special guest: Amanda Martinez Beck, co-host of the Fat and Faithful podcast
  • Typically, we feel shame when we feel as though we have failed at meeting some type of expectations.
  • When processing body shame, it is often helpful to turn the conversation to, “What is the purpose of my body?” and being able to shift our understanding of its purpose from being a means to control life’s uncertainties to being a bridge of connection to other people.
  • Quote to live by: “All bodies are good bodies”–because all types of bodies can form connections with others.
  • Our aging bodies tell our stories and reflect ours and our ancestors’ journeys.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series.

(124) My relationship with food is dark (with Corrie Van Horne and Melissa Preston).

Have you been trying to recover from your eating disorder yet constantly slipping back in? Been in and out of treatment? We hope you know you are not alone. Check out this week’s featured Dear Food letter and listen to the wise and compassionate advice from Corrie Van Horne and Melissa Preston.

Episode’s Key Points:

  • Special guests: Corrie Van Horne and Melissa Preston, both Licensed Professional Counselors (Corrie is a candidate) and Registered Dietitians, co-founders of Omni Counseling and Nutrition.
  • Many with eating disorders find themselves going in and out of various levels of treatment throughout their recovery journey.
  • Transitioning out of a higher level of care where there is fairly constant support can be challenging in many ways, particularly when it comes to “normalizing” one’s relationship with food.
  • Oftentimes, our relationship with food and how we perceive it, mirrors other relationships and forms of oppression in our life.
  • Autonomy and self-compassion are both powerful tools in healing both our relationship with individuals and food.
  • Good self-reminder: Food is essential to life. It is okay (and necessary) to want to and need to eat.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series.

I don’t know how to stop dieting.


Are you ready to leave dieting behind, but are too afraid to make that final leap and embrace intuitive eating? Are you looking for a way out, but aren’t sure where to turn? Listen now to hear some great tips to transition into this part of the food peace journey.

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This episode is brought to you by my PCOS summer series: Empowering Your PCOS Journey. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. This series and our Facebook group will be with you every step of the way.

Episode’s Key Points:

  • Diets don’t work, and losing weight doesn’t actually fix any of our problems!
  • Dieting = MISERY!
  • Healthy eating includes pleasure! If a certain eating pattern HURTS, then it’s definitely a diet, and it’s definitely not health promoting.
  • We give food way too much power and brain space… we should only really have to think about food when it’s meal time! Food preoccupation can lead to unhealthy eating behaviors.
  • Compassion is key! It’s super common to avoid “healthy” or “diet” foods like fruits and veggies, or to overeat when you first abandon dieting and restriction, all in an effort to overcompensate and make sure you don’t fall back into disordered behaviors. So if you catch yourself engaging in these behaviors, just be kind and understanding to yourself. This is all a part of the mess of figuring out your own internal hunger, fullness, and satiety cues. And it won’t last forever!
  • This is a PROCESS! Food peace isn’t a fast journey.
  • Be curious about your eating behavior rather than judgmental. This will allow you to uncover the root of your food preoccupation!
  • You may have to think about food a lot when you first start the intuitive eating journey, but this won’t last. Think about learning how to drive or riding a bike… you have to think about it at first, but once you get it, it’s intuitive.
  • If jumping into intuitive eating still feels too scary, try experimenting with check-in times instead! Set an alarm so that you can check in with your hunger every three-ish hours throughout the day, every day. Make sure your check-in times go all the way until you’re asleep, and do an intentional body scan to check in with your hunger, fatigue, and other bodily needs. Eventually, this will get you into the habit of checking in with yourself consistently, but not obsessively.
  • Making peace with food is HARD, especially because we live in a world that hasn’t recovered yet. Find a dietitian and/or therapist, group therapy, or an online course to help you on this journey!

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series.